pokecrap
by basil girl
Summary: mile cussing. wrote it awhile back. what happenes when jessie and tom green get kidnapped by steve from blues clues? read to find out.


In my story I combine the annoying james of team rocket, his lap top, a broken spray bottle of sweet breath, a condom, 'the bum bum song', various other things/people, and ME! Ive had about 50 of them little packets of jelly from mcdonalds so im really hyper and don't feel like doing spell checker so don't complain about bad grammer!!!  
  
Kay one day I was walking around my house eating strawberry jelly (mmmm) when the tv opened up. Inside was a bunch of land that wasn't surrounded by barbed wire, so I decided to jump in. walking around I heard crying from around the corner. looking around I saw a blue haired man sitting on a log crying. I went over there and stood in front of the man. He looked up.  
  
Basil girl: hi im natalie! Whats your name  
  
Man: james.  
  
Me: whats wrong with you? (sits next to him)  
  
James: I cant find my partner jessie.  
  
Me: well jamenpoo! Have this to calm your nerves (hands him bottle of sweetbreath with no spray top)  
  
James: how do I work this thing?  
  
Me: you push on this thing right here.  
  
James: it wont come out!  
  
Me: ill tell you how to use it later (hugs james while hes still trying to get the liquid mint out)  
  
James: ack!  
  
Me: give me that!  
  
James: no its mine!  
  
Me: lets go for a walk.  
  
While walking we both noticed a significant change in land formation. James then tripped on a pile of poo with a blue paw print on it.  
  
James: whats that?  
  
Me: a pile of poo with a blue paw print on it.  
  
James: maybe it's a clue!  
  
Me: clue? Oh you mean like blues clues? Oh ok. This must be a clue leading to where jessie is. Think where are piles of fake poo found?  
  
James: here.  
  
Me: okay...  
  
James: where are we?  
  
Me: no... it cant be! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
James: what?  
  
Me: TELETUBBIE LAND! (hugs james in fear)  
  
Tinky winky: eh oh. i tinky winky  
  
Dipsy: I dipsy eh oh  
  
La la: I la la. Eh oh  
  
Po: eh oh I po.  
  
All: big hug!  
  
Me: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
James: WHATS GOING ON?!?!  
  
Me: if we don't run were going to get hugged!  
  
James: you don't seem to mind being hugged.  
  
Me: by you its okay, but by them?!?! No no no no.  
  
James: (looks at me with scaryness look in his eyes) eh oh nat nat.  
  
Me: don't call me that...  
  
James: (madly) BIG HUG!  
  
Me: damnit james stop it.  
  
James: no it fun.  
  
Me: im seriously you guys.  
  
James: no! you bearly strong enough to yell.  
  
Thinking quickly, I pulled a syringe out of his back, thus waking him from his scaryness state. After a few moments I noticed he kept squeezing me.  
  
Me: umm james?  
  
James: what?  
  
Me: let go of me... youre hurting me.  
  
James: not until you give me that bottle!  
  
Me: for christ sake james forget about that!  
  
James: no its mine. You gave it to me.  
  
Me: fine! Go and piss yourself off trying to get mintyness out!  
  
James: I will! @#%@$#& piece of $&*%!!!  
  
Me: (sighs) hey whats that po is holding?  
  
James: it looks like a bottle of viagra.  
  
Me: oh %$&#! Come on james!  
  
James: where are we going?  
  
Me: away.  
  
James: why?  
  
Me: don't you know fool? If a teletubbie male/female gets hold of some viagra then all start to consume it and engage in an orgy of hugging and even worse (turning pale) kissing any strange people in teletubbie land. We must run or find a distraction.   
  
James: I bet I could find one.  
  
Me: you? how?  
  
James: I could use www.teletubbiefacts.net/orgy/html.web.htm/holys@#&imbeingchasedbyviagraweildingteles.com  
  
Me: ???  
  
James: it says here if you run you will surely be caught, but if you give them sweet breath breath spray you will be able to escape. Do we have any of that?  
  
Me: umm.... You know that little bottle you have?  
  
James: yeah wh.... Im not giving them that! (cradles bottle in his hands)  
  
Me: sorry dude but its for our own good.  
  
James: NO!!! (then he tackled me. Can you believe that?)   
  
Me: damnit! Get offa me! You know youre kind of heavy for a little scrawny ass.  
  
James: really? Oh no im getting fat!  
  
Me: whats that coming out of your back pocket?  
  
James: oh that's just my condom. Ya know incase I need it.  
  
Me: arent you... ya know... gay?  
  
James: oh right. Here you go.  
  
I then pulled out the condom, unrolled it, and threw it at the on coming teles.  
  
Tinky winky: what this?  
  
Po: it balloon!  
  
Dipst: lets blow it up!  
  
La la: make it fly!  
  
They went off experimenting with the condom until they got it as big as a classroom. Then all four of them grabbed on to it and floated away.  
  
Me: you can get off of me now.  
  
James: do I have to?  
  
Me: if we want find jessie.  
  
James: oh that's right!  
  
We continued our little journey farther into teletubbie land looking for jessie.  
  
James: the clue said shed be here!  
  
Me: we need three clues james remember?  
  
James: oh yeah. I found the first one so its your turn to find the next.  
  
Me: fine. Hey do you hear that james?  
  
James: (looking up) my bum is on the rail. My bum is on the rail! LOOK AT MEEEEE!!!!!!! MY BUM IS ON THE RAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ME: AAHHH!!!! (tries to run but is blocked by a swerving hyper james)   
  
James: MY BUM IS ON THE TINKY WINKY!!!!! MY BUM IS ON THE TINKY WINKY!!!!! LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BUM IS ON THE TINKY WINKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( runs off looking for tinky winky )  
  
Me: come back damnit! (sighs) hey a blue paw print! So our second clue is the bum bum song. Poo, the bum bum song. Tom green!  
  
James: (coming up behind me) what about him?  
  
Me: ahhh! Damnit james! What about tom green you ask? Well our first clue was a pile of fake poo. Our second clue was the bum bum song. So it must be tom green that has jessie!  
  
James: but where is she? We know who has her but how are we going to find her if we didn't find any clues of her whereabouts?  
  
Me: just had to break my bubble didn't ya james? (hits in head with paper fan) cool.  
  
James: youre just like jessie! That's why I like you.  
  
Me: o_0... 0_0! ~_~... (hits) ^___^ (sorry pokedigi)  
  
It was a never ending !@%#$&$ desert of happy sunny grassland with that goddamn sun staring down at us, making those damn noises. Manyatime james broke down and started yelling at the sun to stop but it kept on. Dragging ourselves now we continued on looking for that last damned clue. Finally james broke down and started yelling and screaming about how many times that @#$!&%* sun has babbled something to him.  
  
Me: its not talking to you james its yelling out for the damn teles.  
  
James: how do you know?!  
  
Me: if you listen long enough you begin to understand it.  
  
James: youre one of them!  
  
Me: look james! (holds up bottle)  
  
James: (curls up in ball and begins acting like homer simpson. You've seen him right?)  
  
Me: hey whats that?  
  
James: a clue.  
  
A clue indeed. It was a very detailed photo of steven burns holding jessie and tom green captive while blue was eating toms fake poo.  
  
James: ill get my computer!  
  
Me: (_)  
  
James: from putting the pic in the built in scanner ive concluded that the location is...  
  
Me: spit it out man!  
  
James: in the teletubbies house.  
  
Me: WHAT?!?! LEMME SEE DAT DAMN THING!!!  
  
James: no its mine!  
  
Me: fine ill just look  
  
james: see, by using my lap top i was able to determine the location of the civilians.  
  
me: im seriously james. if you keep talking like that when you bust out with your lap top ill break the damn thing!  
  
james: sorry. as i was saying, you see that metal background and that vacume thing. thats where jessie and tom are.  
  
me: wheres that vacume thing?  
  
james: right there. (points to background)  
  
me: oh. but where is tele house at when all were surrounded by are grasslands and that damn sun.  
  
sun: (makes noise)  
  
james: thats it! stupid $@#!%&* sun! (throws lap top)  
  
sun: (eats lap top)  
  
me: good going james now what are we gonna do?  
  
james: what do you mean?  
  
me: with your damn lap top we could have asked it where the tele house was.  
  
james: (groans)  
  
sun: (laughing)  
  
james: stop laughing!  
  
me: dose that damn thing look like its getting closer to us?  
  
james: it looks like it.  
  
the sun was closing in on me and james. one of us had to do something so i got out the broke bottle james had been messing with since the beginning of this damn adventure and sprayed that damn sun in the face.   
  
sun: (screech)  
  
james: its working! how did you- hey! howd you get it to spray! give me! (hitting bottle) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
me: damnit james! (sprays him in the face)  
  
juames: ow! hey! that feels all minty on my face! (eyes go to slits)  
  
me: ^ - ^  
  
james: hey look overthere!  
  
me: its the tele house!  
  
james: come on natalie!  
  
me: can it wait? im tired!  
  
james: (picks up on back) ill carry you!  
  
me: no id rather walk.  
  
but it was too late. he had insisted on carrying me so i played along.  
  
me: faster! come on youre slowing down!  
  
james: ive been running for two hours and we havent gotten any closer to the tele house. (falls to knees)  
  
me: i know (starts to feed him mcdonalds jelly)  
  
james (after a few minutes) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (starts to run really really really really really really really fast)  
  
me: were geting closer!  
  
(a day goes by)  
  
me: come on james you can do it! were half way there and its a down hill run.  
  
james: (looks at me with evilness look) im not running down hill on snow!  
  
me: snow?  
  
james: yes. and you have plastic things attached to the front of you...  
  
me: (looks down) oh crap. (tries to run but is caught)  
  
james: (pushes me face down in snow then jumps on top of me and proceeds to slide down the hill)   
  
me: can you pull my face up out of the snow james?  
  
james: oh right sorry. i forgot.  
  
me: you forgot and im getting frostbite on my face!  
  
james: ok. (pulls off little half shirt and puts over my face) better?  
  
me: (muffled) yes thank you.  
  
james: youre welcome!  
  
1 year later:  
  
james: can i have my half shirt back now?  
  
me: no!  
  
meanwhile on the shawn sled(uhhh slipknot humor site joke)  
  
jim: hey look! theyre copying us!  
  
paul: (snort)  
  
jim: im gonna put my size 40 up that guys ass (points to james)  
  
me: (still muffled) do you hear something james?  
  
james: no whyEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
jim haha! aww now my foots gonna be cold!  
  
me: (pulls halfshirt off my face) hi jim! what are you doing here?  
  
jim: nothing. just passing through. need a lift?  
  
me: that would be good, but not until we get your shoe back. james! give uhh... james his shoe back!  
  
james: theres two of me?  
  
me: no him (points to jim)  
  
james: but you said my name.  
  
me: but i was talking about him.  
  
jim: well give you a lift on the shawn sled for free. just watch out for corey though.  
  
james: why?  
  
me: youll see.  
  
on shawn sled:  
  
me: im cold.  
  
corey: maybe one of shawns shirts will help.  
  
indeed it helped! it was huge! jim, james, paul, corey, and me fit under it. it was like a &$#!@%* blanket!  
  
corey: (to james) you know who you look like?  
  
james: who?  
  
corey: denise richards! (tackles james off of shawn sled and proceeds to hump him)  
  
me: ill go after them.  
  
jim: just let them be. theyll be back eventually. besides, isnt that blue haired guy gay?   
  
me: i think so. hey look what shawns head crashed into.  
  
paul: tele house! next stop des moines iowa! when we get corey back.  
  
jim: well just wait here for corey and your little friend.  
  
meanwhile with corey and james:  
  
corey: man it takes a long time to travel short distances here.  
  
james: time goes by really slow here. they want their days to be long.  
  
corey: why?  
  
james: i dont know. its madness though.  
  
2000 years later:  
  
me: look who finally decided to show up.  
  
james: sorry we took so long.  
  
me: its okay. now we can attempt to go in and find jessie.  
  
jim: good luck. if you need help, i think sids in there so call for him.  
  
me: kay, hey jim?  
  
jim: yeah?   
  
me: could you bust down the door for us?  
  
jim: sure! (kicks down door)  
  
me: thanx!  
  
shawn sled: (rides off in sunset)  
  
me: come on james!  
  
james: k.  
  
inside the house was kind of depressing compared to the outside happy world.it was all dark and gray. everyhting was metal and steel reinforced.  
  
james: whats that?  
  
vacume thing: (sucking noises) who are you?  
  
me: im basil girl and this is james.  
  
james: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
VT: (sucking noises) why are you here?  
  
me: ummm steve from blues clues captured his partner jessie and tom green.  
  
VT: (still sucking) oh come in and look for them then.  
  
me: kay.  
  
james: do you think we could trust that thing?  
  
me: dont know. if we messed up by listening to that thing then oh well. life goes on.  
  
james: whatever you say.   
  
tinky winky: eh oh!  
  
me: ahhhh!!!!! (runs)  
  
james: ooooooh! he has a purse!  
  
me: (still running) hey james ill get you that purse if you get rid of these damn teles.  
  
james: do i get anything else?  
  
me: (on top of a giant shelf) umm... a hat, a ball, a scooter, and that damn purse.  
  
james: eeeeeeeheeeheee! how do i get rid of them?  
  
me: picture them as that bottle you cant get open.  
  
james: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (attacks tinky winky/dipsy/la la/po)  
  
me: took you long enough.  
  
james: where my things you promised me?  
  
me: oh right. lets search around.  
  
oh it took us hours searching for james' new toys. but we could not find them anywhere! oh sure we found many happy things. we even found a machine that made custard, but james said it tasted like $***. then we came across the contents of the closet. when we opened the door bunnies came hopping out, thus scaring james. they began attacking him like the little MOFO'S they were.  
  
me: hey james look! i found them.   
  
james: really? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (proceeds to give me huge ass hug)  
  
me: ( (()) )  
  
james: am i hurting you?  
  
me: (sarcasticly) no im fine!  
  
james: okay.  
  
me: (being choked) why dont you try out your new toys?  
  
james: EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! (puts on hat and purse) what do i do with the ball and scooter?  
  
me: well james you ride the scooter and the ball you... uhmmm... put it in the purse!  
  
james: it wont fit!  
  
me: why dont you use that custard as adheasive.  
  
james: (puts custard on ball then shoves in purse) hey it worked! (rides off on scooter)  
  
me: hey a new room! (walks in) jessie! hey tom hows the whole nut cancer thing?  
  
tom: fine.  
  
jessie: wheres james?  
  
me: dont know? he rode off on his scooter.  
  
jessie: scooter?  
  
me: hell explain later.  
  
steve: so youve arrived i see?  
  
me: damnit steve what happened? you were so content to entertain children then you quit. why?  
  
steve: because for five years i had to deal with those snot nosed brat 2/3 year olds! then we got that bitch wynona-  
  
me: i thought she was cool.  
  
steve: she was a bitch off camera! now the reason im holding tom and jessie captive is because theyve been entertaining groups of people from ages 5 to 15/up and thats my job.  
  
me: what about james? hes entertaining!  
  
jessie: where is he?!  
  
me: ill go look for him! (runs off)  
  
outside tele house:  
  
james: EEEEEEEEEEHEEEEHEEEEHEEE!!!!!!!  
  
me: JAMES!!!!  
  
james: what?  
  
me: jessie wants you.  
  
james: where is she?  
  
me: in there come on!  
  
in tele house:  
  
me: damnit where is she?  
  
james: im scared.  
  
me: maybe we can try saying the motto.  
  
james: i say jessies part?   
  
me: yeah.  
  
james: to protect the world from devestation.  
  
jessie: (muffled) to unite all peoples within our nation.  
  
james: to dennounce the evils of truth and love  
  
jessie: (less muffled) to extend our reach to the stars above.  
  
james: (opens door and finds jessie) jessie! (runs up and hugs her)  
  
jessie: james where the hell have you been?  
  
james: im sorry jess. do you know what ive been through?  
  
jessie: youve gotten some things out of it though.  
  
james: yeah and i got this damn thing that i cant open. (holds up bottle)  
  
steve: what about me?  
  
me: (kicks blue)  
  
steve: &@$# that hurt!  
  
jessie/tom: james, kill blue, now!  
  
james: (erases blue with rag) there!  
  
steve: nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!  
  
james: (while hugging jessie) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
jessie: whats wrong with james?  
  
me: ive rubbed off on him. hey james!  
  
james: hmmm?  
  
me: (opens bottle for him)  
  
james: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hugs me very very very tightly)  
  
me: (in distorted muffled voice) what the hell do you got on?  
  
james: oh. i found some tubbie lotion stuff in the closet. how does it smell?  
  
me: (still in messed up voice) bad. and let go of my head youre messing up my hair and i cant breath!  
  
james: sorry (lets go of my head)  
  
me: &!@#*$% iron man grip. hey whats that? is that fat james?  
  
james: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (lets go of me)   
  
me: i learned somrthing today. if your tv opens up and you see a blue haird man crying because his partner was lost help him out, but dont give him breath spray.  
  
james: (swallows breath spray) minty...  
  
jessie: you cried because i was missing? (hugs james)  
  
me: and i learned something else never go into tubbie land or eat brownies that sid made.  
  
sid: bbuuuzzzzzz...... ex lax is good for you.  
  
tom green: (runs to tubbie bathroom and takes a squat)  
  
james: (upset) he was one of my faviorate funnymen! (hits sid with his purse)  
  
sid: bbuuzzzzzzzz..... bbbbuuuuuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
suddenly a tv popped up out of the ground.  
  
me: i have to go you guys. next time my tv opens up ill bring a friend with me.  
  
all: bye! 


End file.
